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How do you pray? How do you know that your prayer got answered? When you see someone who has millions, and you are living on ramen noodles, are you grateful for those noodles? When your world goes array and things get really tough, do the tough really get going? What is really tough? Is it not being able to get to work because of transportation? Is it being discriminated against because of a disfiguration? Is it losing a loved one so dear that you can't let it go? Is it wondering why?
IT's been said you shouldn't question God. But I would bet my bottom dollar that every living human in this world, and probably even a few that are no longer living has done that very thing. There are times when we all question. Especially in this day and age, but that is only because we weren't around a few hundred years ago to question. At least not as we know ourselves now. Who knows, maybe we were around and just don't realize it. Maybe reincarnation really does exist. Living with depression, is so hard to do. Yes, there are medications out there, everyone knows that. But, I am one of those people who would rather scrub the floor on my hands and knees than to take medication to get over it. OR write. Writing helps. No one wants to read what someone who has depression has to say. There are no excuses, except to say., no I am just not ready to give up the free will to try to cope with this on my own. You hear excuses everyday. Or at least I do. Oh yeah, I have an excuse, I'm too proud. OR well, I got busy. Busy doing what? Busy scrubbing a floor. It bothers my daughter to see me doing that. But it helps me. I think of myself as the original second hand rose. But, as the song goes, I don't have a second hand heart. I get so tired of hearing people put down the president. Why can't they realize he is human? He is going to make mistakes. Mistakes are what humans do best. I know man who owns 31 cars. One for each day of the month. Why would someone want a car for each day of the month? It makes no sense to me. It makes no sense to me that a few years back, tomatoes were bad for you, but now they are good for you. It makes no sense that cigarettes were at one time advertised on television, but now it's as tho it is horrendously bad to smoke. It makes no sense to me. AM I just voicing my own opinions here? Or do others think like I do? I ran out of gas once, and I was told, well Trust God. Trust God to do what? To come down and put gas in my vehicle? OR to send an angel along in human form who will happen to have a can of gas stashed in the back of his pickup? Or trust Him enough to walk the two miles to a gas station, and know He will get you there and back safely. I have quit watching the news and quit listening to the radio programs in the morning. I don't want to hear about the accidents on the highway where I know that my children or grandchildren or friends are traveling on while they are on their way to work. Living with and writing from the depths of depression is hard. But someone has to do it. They have to do it so someone else out there who is going thru it also, might realize that they are not alone. That even tho the other person maybe thousands of miles away and they don't know them, that they are still not alone. In an hour, or maybe 20 minutes or even less the depression maybe gone and replaced with sheer happiness. What category does this go under? short stories? Fiction? Depression is not fiction in anyway form or fashion. It is not paranormal, nor is it a natural disaster. IT is certainly not a current affair, even Mozart suffered from depression. It has been around for millions of years. Maybe it goes under incarceration, because even if you are not in a jail, you are still a prisoner, a victim of a brick wall that is very hard to climb or get past. Maybe it goes humor, because quite often I look back and say ,,, geez, I can't believe I wigged out over that. But, then again maybe it goes under enviroment. Even the wealthiest of individuals get depressed. And with all that is happening in our enviroment our world, health and enviroment seems to be the most likely candidates for this type of post. But I personally think it goes under SURVIVAL, war/conflict maybe even SCI-FI because there is no category for sadness.
(c) BETSY
Oct. 2009
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